Crushed.

“A shiver up and down the spine. Anticipating.

Bell rings.

Walking with a skip in your step. Must get there before he does. Must. No questions. Must get there. Almost knock out a football player. “Sorry.” Walk faster.

Slide into class. Sit down. Another shiver. Turn around. Talk to your friends. Laugh with them. Sing songs from Hairspray with them. Sing songs from High School Musical with them.

Bell rings.

He slides into class, just on time.

He sits down. He exhales. Looks winded. “Hey Chloe.”

Why does your name sound so nice when he says it?

“Hey.” The words escape from your mouth unnoticed. “Why so tired?” you whisper in a sneaky voice. Who are you trying to fool?

“Ran from JROTC. Srgt. Kept us late. He hates me.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t!”

“No, he does. See-”

Class starts. You sit. You listen. You learn. You raise your hand and say something intelligent. After speaking, you look at him for his approval. He doesn’t look back.

The teacher says something witty. You laugh. You look at him. You pray he laughs.

Then, there it is. A big smile across his face. A smile that could melt your heart, freeze it again, and then crack it into a million pieces.

Then it fades.

Bell rings. “See you at lunch,” he says kindly.

Yes, see you at lunch. See you with your girlfriend. See you with your girlfriend who wears middrift tops and high heeled boots, and screams and yells in peoples’ faces. See you there.

You’ve hugged me twice.

You’ve smiled at me numerous times.

You’ve killed me inside.

You’ve made me have it bad, you think to yourself. But, instead you say “See ya!” with a zealous tone.”

Yeah. I had it bad. Those feelings have gone lukewarm. But they’re there. They always will be. Feelings never go away completely. That’s why I don’t want many boyfriends. They take away your spirit. Slowly. Effectively. It takes a higher power to get your spirit back.

But anyway, this is what I wanted to say. This was my first major crush. First high school crush. Hopefully (probably) the last one for a while.

No need to comment on this. It was really just for me to see how ridiculous I am. You can if you want to. It’s a blog right?

Sigh.

-chloe